Back in high school, maintaining friendships seemed much simpler. Our world was smaller, after all, often revolving around the same rooms, faces, and schedules.
But college brought unfamiliar spaces, changes in routine, and lives that no longer revolved around the same people. Replies took longer, meetups became less frequent, and the friends we once saw every day became people we now had to make time for, sometimes months in advance.
When a friendship no longer looks the way it used to, it is easy to wonder whether the connection is fading, too. Yet as we grow older, we begin to realize that closeness does not always require constant communication.
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Does less contact mean less care?
It is easy to mistake the frequency of our conversations for the strength of our relationships. But meaningful friendships are shaped less by how often we talk than by the care, understanding, and effort we continue to give each other, even when life gets in the way.
This is where low-maintenance friendships find their meaning. They allow room for changing priorities, demanding schedules, and periods of silence without making either person feel that the relationship is slipping away.
Still, low-maintenance does not mean effort-free. A healthy friendship allows both people to have busy seasons while ensuring that neither feels solely responsible for keeping the connection alive. Not every imbalance signals the end of a friendship. People go through seasons when they have less time or energy to give.
What matters is whether both remain willing to understand each other’s circumstances and make an effort when they can.
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How time alone can help us navigate friendships
While low-maintenance friendships can offer a sense of security, the relationship we have with ourselves can also shape how we connect with others.
As we grow older, time alone can become an opportunity to slow down and notice what we need beyond other people’s expectations. Solitude, however, is not the same as loneliness. Loneliness involves an unwanted sense of disconnection, while solitude can be restorative when it is chosen and experienced positively.
Research suggests that our experience of being alone depends partly on our circumstances and how we relate to that time. Solitude can offer opportunities for rest, reflection, and autonomy, although prolonged or unwanted isolation may intensify loneliness. Learning to enjoy our own company does not mean we stop needing other people. It means becoming more comfortable with ourselves when no one else is around.
As we become more comfortable with our own company, we may also learn to approach our friendships with less fear. An unanswered message or an uneventful weekend does not automatically mean that something is missing from our lives. We can appreciate time alone without interpreting every quiet moment as evidence that we have been forgotten.
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Growing on our own, even when we’re apart
Perhaps one of the quieter lessons of growing older is realizing that we do not have to preserve every friendship exactly as it was. Some relationships will change, while others will continue to offer mutual care in ways we could not have anticipated.
Learning to enjoy our own company can help us accept that friendships naturally evolve as we move through adulthood. When we no longer feel compelled to fill every silence, we may find it easier to appreciate the relationships we have without asking them to meet every emotional need.
Sometimes, growing together means giving each other room to grow in different directions, trusting that the connection can evolve alongside us.
*Photo by Matheus G.O for Unsplash
References
Pezirkianidis, C., et al. (2023). Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1059057. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1059057
Adams, et al. (2024). Need satisfaction in daily well-being: Both social and solitude contexts contribute to well-being. British Journal of Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjso.12769
Nguyen, T. T., et al. (2023). Balance between solitude and socializing: Everyday solitude time both benefits and harms well-being. Scientific Reports. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-023-44507-7
